Vulnerability!

There is this video that has been really popular lately on TED.com by Brene' Brown If you haven't seen it yet you should! It's only 20 minutes and for me it was quite compelling... I was drawn in and couldn't let it go.

My husband and I meet every week with a few couples (one couple not yet married) with the intentionality to keep ourselves accountable. Not just to keep each other accountable but also to practice accountability before God.  I was sharing with them this video about vulnerability and the importance of understanding shame. As we went around the room each of us shared about our week. The couple that is not yet married said they had a good week etc. and as things rambled along Josh brought up how proud he was that he spent one whole hour each week with Savannah, just focused on their relationship and connecting with each other.   Savannah quickly informed him, however, even though this was good - how much time did he spend on pointless stuff like video games, sports and so on. We all smiled and his bubble was summarily popped. We did, however, give him great encouragement because we all knew we had not done much better in our previous week. 

We all know that the task at hand is a big one, and is not for the faint of heart. What really got me thinking from the video is that the vulnerability/shame exercise is excruciating for everyone and keeps us all resistant from exploring our relationships deeper, all because of fear of rejection. Hence: the one hour a week is all I can muster for now.

I believe this is the hidden key, especially for me, to a woman's heart. It's not just him listening and hearing my heart but it's allowing me in to see and understand his deep root of shame - him being vulnerable enough to share it, to understand it - and thus feeling the profound sense of connection. That is what I want most of all. I think this is where our souls meet with the whole heart and where we can truly become "soul mates." Or is that the "oneness" God describes in marriage and the "oneness" He wants to share with us?  When we let go of the distraction of excruciation/rejection and allow ourselves to understand our own shame, and share it with each other; in response our souls begin to knit together.