thoughts late at night...

I can’t fully be myself when I am not allowed to express my love or I am not expected to show the love I have to give, undisturbed, by your demands. I have so much pent up unexpressed emotion. Is this the way I was created? Why do I desire, so much, a deep meaningful, spiritual connection that fully completes me? What is becoming one suppose to really mean if you cannot truly meet on those terms completely naked of expectation, fully baring your soul, being fully transparent that you can unite in such a way that it will reflect the person you are truly suppose to be and fulfill the purpose in your life before God. I question every day my existence in this marriage and it’s demise if it does not start to bow before God in humility. I know God created me for this marriage. I role-played it as a child. I Dreamed of having a husband and being completely in love. Who put that in my heart? Who created me to want such a deep connection with my husband? Who is it that gave me those dreams and why? Who could it be but the Creator of my soul; a soul that is tortured; demanding to be released imprisoned by unresolved conflict and rejected love.