A Glimpse of Turqoise

By my mom Jayne

Alone
I sit at my window,
Peering drearily out of my white prison,
Snow, plunders the country side
In pale persistence.
Scantliy clad trees,
Stand bare.
Frigid castaways,
In natures realm.
Pearl frosted meadows,
Iced,
raw,
Monopolize the landscape.
Stillness lingers,
not peaceful...but uneasy.
My ears strain at it's grip,
pulsating,
My eyes grow weary seeking release,
from the bleak, stark world of winter
Suddenly....
I see something!
a small dot of blue,
a glimpse of turqoise,
curious, I look closer,
an old lawn chair, disgarded...
twisted
weatherwarn metal, secured,
Solitarily braced against a tree,
Etched in rust, it's
Burdened with snow.
Regarding this,
My thoughts fall back to years ago.
I think of Duchess, mu old dog.
Pink patches of skin perforated her
beautiful coat.
Time carved it's mark upon her beauty,
but we loved her.
The chair, by contrast, was once
beautiful.
and needed.
What memories linger there?
A fleeting moment in time
scaling the subconscience,
nudging the heart,
Flexing emotions,
Revelie of the mind....then gone.
Humbly.
Now, cast out...it still stands
supremely frozen to the ground.
Upon it's seat...a childs toy bucket,
secured by ice,
Support past dreams
of sandy beaches,
Wiggly poly-wogs,
a world full of flower scents,
Brilliant gardens splashed across the hills.
Hot summer days.
Ringing in laughter.
Barefoot children running zig-zag
patterns thru wet grass.
Purple, pink-chipped evenings
melting into night.
Now, blooming in starkness,
As a gem in nature's court,
this blue dot,
this spec on earths giant face,
Left to the elements,
Brings me joy!
Renovates my mind of fullness,
Massages the ragged edges of
boredom into peace.
This drop of color on winter's spread,
Punctuates the long line of trees
across the horizon.
It is a beacon to dreary thoughts a promise,
Dear God, if this is true, in my thoughts,
of a mere chair,
What of me?
In this vast caotic world, I am but a small dot
a flec of humanity among scores.
Unnoticed, lost, going about in a
treadmill of tasks.
Yet, somewhere out there,
How extraordinary to think,
that somehow,
someday,
somewhere,
I, too may become
a glimpse of turqoise
In someones eyes.

thoughts late at night...

I can’t fully be myself when I am not allowed to express my love or I am not expected to show the love I have to give, undisturbed, by your demands. I have so much pent up unexpressed emotion. Is this the way I was created? Why do I desire, so much, a deep meaningful, spiritual connection that fully completes me? What is becoming one suppose to really mean if you cannot truly meet on those terms completely naked of expectation, fully baring your soul, being fully transparent that you can unite in such a way that it will reflect the person you are truly suppose to be and fulfill the purpose in your life before God. I question every day my existence in this marriage and it’s demise if it does not start to bow before God in humility. I know God created me for this marriage. I role-played it as a child. I Dreamed of having a husband and being completely in love. Who put that in my heart? Who created me to want such a deep connection with my husband? Who is it that gave me those dreams and why? Who could it be but the Creator of my soul; a soul that is tortured; demanding to be released imprisoned by unresolved conflict and rejected love.

It's not about me, or is it?

I have felt I am good at taking critisism and dealing with cranky people, in fact I have given advice to others about how "not" to be so sensitive to others negativity. You know, go with the flow, it's not always about "YOU"! So lately I have been completely tested in this area....no, I would say attacked. I have a had a series of negative incidents and comments come my way and for the most part, bit my lip, smiled, and found the positive, ya know... moved on ( meanwhile noticing my fuse was diminishing... shorter and shorter....) BIG SIGH!
Well, the other day I failed, at least I saw it as a failure, at first. Without going in to detail, comments were made and they were directed "bulls-eye" right at me. So I did the usual, smiled, made a few enlightened positve comments, excused myself and went out behind the wall and cried my eyes out! I guess I had arrived at the limit...but then something happened. Instead of just letting it go (like usual) I decided to confront the person who made the comments to me and state how they made me feel, using "I" statements (of Course) I really have never felt the need to do that before. This time I was determined! So I did it and guess what??? It still was "NOT ABOUT ME" and we chatted laughed and I felt much better! Moral of the story: Be willing to confront on occasion if you feel the need! GOd is soooooo good, just trust in Him!!!

Sunday

Let Thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee

I met a Raw foodie today in my "Chair"

I met a youung man today! I thought he was close to my oldest sons age but he was actually 33 yrs old! He use to work in a raw food resteraunt in California. When he took off his hat his hair looked extra oily but had a familiar sent to it. He said he had been putting coconut oil in is hair to tame his thick mop of curly hair ( annoyingly gorgeous hair by the way)!! So we talked alot about his current job and the fact that he loves to eat raw good food. I would love to eat more this way also. I decied to add one of the places I have found ( I got them from my favorite marriage blog) that help get the juice's flowing.

http://www.raw-radiance.blogspot.com/

Sugar Blog!

I think I want to go to this event! Hmmm thinking...thinking...

http://www.eventbrite.com/event/1364602563/efbnen

More "Chair" talk

My blog will probably take on many looks as I learn to play with all the idea's going on in my head...

I was thinking of more converstions I had in past chairs at different hair salons. I had this one client her name was Julia. She had a commanding presence about her. I actually felt a sudden urge to salute when she would come throught the door every Friday morning at 9. She was a Navy Nurse. I am not sure of her rank, I know she told me but I can't remember. Julia was a special lady she served during the Vietnam war and told of the time they were so scared to go anywhere that she would sleep with her gun under her desk in the hospital ward. There was one time however that she told me about when she was on a ship taking new army recruits to Germany and she had a special assignment. She was in charge of Elvis Presley. Because of his popularity he could not be put in to the regular population. She had to find jobs for him to do to keep him busy. Julia said he was a very repectful person and did all the jobs very well and he gave her no problems. In fact they became good friends and she was invited to dinner with his family.